​     I recently posted some old photos of myself on social media with the hashtag #TBT for throwback Thursday. The photos showed my dramatic weight loss of more than 100 lbs. from over 6 years ago. When I posted the pics I knew that it would get a large response but what I hadn’t accounted for was the huge AH HA moment that I would have. It had been several years since I had even looked at those pictures. They told tales of a life that I no longer wanted to recollect or be a part of. However, it was only when I truly looked at those pictures that I could truly see and appreciate my journey into the woman that I am today.
        When I looked I mean truly looked at the photos I saw a woman with deep sadness and massive insecurities. I also felt feelings that I was not aware were there. I not only saw sadness in my eyes but I was feeling it while staring into my rounded face in the photos and deeply so to the point of tears. Beneath the sadness I also felt shame. Shame says that who you are at your core isn’t enough. It isn’t about what you’ve done not being enough but your essence not being enough. Looking at the photos I felt shame that I was not loveable or that perhaps my fate at that time was my fault because I wasn’t worthy due to my size. Knowing the truth and experiencing truth at a deeper level requires acknowledgement of the feelings that lie beneath the surface. Feelings aren’t the complete story. They are clues to what is going on inside of us and they can be roadmaps to our healing.
        Not judging our feelings helps us to really tap into what has been driving the bus of our lives in order to face it and intentionally change the driver. In exploring my feelings I discovered that the sadness was surrounding me experiencing the feelings of shame at seeing the size of my former larger self. The sadness also brought up the state I was in during the time the pictures were taken. At the time I felt hopeless as it related to changing the circumstances of my life. I was in an emotionally abusive marriage and did not realize it until the marriage had ended and learned through therapy that I had been a classic case. I also had some entrenched unhealthy beliefs surrounding my role as a wife and mother. I thought that it was my duty to put everything and everyone before my personal emotional, mental and physical wellbeing. The result was the deeply depressed morbidly obese woman gazing back at me from the photos.
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        Upon rediscovering and posting the photos I had put my former life behind me only choosing to tell and relish in the victories that I had won over my battle of the bulge and reclaiming my life post-divorce. Whenever I dated I was always careful to share about my weight loss journey. Afraid of being judged by men the truth was that I judged myself as being unworthy when I was overweight. The photos brought that deep seeded belief to the surface. The further time had placed a wedge between her and me the more solid my victory seemed to be. I had evolved and overcome. I was greater better. I was now worthy. I didn’t want to face or acknowledge her but she was still with me. I still felt her pain beneath the surface. She was still clamoring to be found worthy. My lack of acknowledgement of her pain and struggle and her reasons for seeking food for comfort were today not serving me well. There was a constant battle within surrounding food and weight.
        Outwardly I was fit and appeared to have it together surrounding my struggle with weight and food but inwardly I was afraid of being found out. I was frustrated with my relationship with food and with her. She was still showing up in my life and I was trying to push her away. As I began to acknowledge and validate her I realized that is all she wanted. She needed to share her insight and wisdom with me. She needed to be acknowledged in order to heal. I began to give her new ways of thinking dismantling her old beliefs around body image. I told her how worthy she was and is regardless of weight. I told her that I loved her and that she was, is and will always be beautiful giving her new ways to empower us to move forward in our lives. I am her and she is me. We are one. I am no longer at war with my former inner fat girl. She is a part of my story.  I now approach her with love and honesty. One of the most loving things I can do for us is to be mindful of how I take care of and nurture my mind, body, soul and spirit. I am honest about my love and appreciation of food. This love and appreciation doesn’t have to be judged as a bad thing. It is a me thing a part of who I am and it absolutely can be managed as well as enjoyed. The wonderful part is to acknowledge the power that I have been utilizing in managing it for over 6 years. This love, honesty and mindfulness is what keeps me beautiful, healthy and fit both inside and out. My former inner fat girl and I are at peace.
           
 

   Waking up this morning with my post Thanksgiving puffy cheeks, I almost panicked. Then I remembered the goals I had set prior to Turkey Day. 
I had granted myself permission to enjoy the day of gluttony guilt-free. Today was the day after and I knew that my puffy cheeks were apart of the guilt-free pact I had with myself.

I knew that weight gain was a possibility but I also knew that I had the power to control just how much I was going to allow the scale to tilt. So off to the gym I went!

There was a time when I was over 268 lbs. Holidays were embedded with guilt and self judgement. After the holidays came the unrealistic goals that were never actualized. The unactualized goals spun into more guilt, self judgement and more eating. The cycle went on and on until I had finally had enough. 

Nearly 6 years ago, I embarked upon a new weight-loss journey. Just after the holiday season. I wasn't sure if I would be victorious but I was. Now here I am having lost over 100 lbs. in a new season of life and a new holiday season giving myself permission to eat and enjoy it guilt-free with power and control!

How can you have your cake and eat it too? How is that possible?

 It is possible. Knowing yourself and your own tendencies are key. What tempts you to eat certain types of foods? What are the circumstances? Are you a social eater? Emotional? Holidays are carry a plethora of triggers for eating. Recognizing your own triggers and allowing room for enjoyment will allow you to flow with the festivities and create opportunities for success. 

In addition, studies have shown that the average american will gain up to 2 lbs. during the holiday season. This number of course may vary depending on the individual. Knowing this helps alleviate judgement, pressure and guilt and will allow you to set realistic goals while not beating yourself up.

Here are a few tips to enjoy food during the holiday season and not lose your mind, waistline and health goals in the process!

• After one day of leftovers pack them away into the freezer for a quick meal later.
• Eat slowly and sip water or flavored unsweetened tea as you eat. There are great brands of tea that are naturally sweet.
• Water, Water, Water. Flavor it with lemon or lime. Just drink it. Carry a water bottle with you and sip on it throughout the day. (Hold on a sec as I pause to take a sip....Ahhh. Refreshing)
• Park farther away from the door when out shopping. This reminds me of the next tip.... Don't go to the mall hungry! Eat something lite before you go out. Pack a healthy snack.
• Set a realistic goal for going to the gym. If you don't workout regularly, aiming to go everyday is setting yourself up for failure. Consider everything that takes hold of your time and set a realistic goal. Remember to have fun with exercise. It will increase your energy and make you feel GREAT!

And of course you can always reach out to your favorite value coach, (ME! ) to help you awaken your power and confidence during the holiday season. You can do it! I believe in you! Happy Holidays! God Bless and KIAI!



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                The title of this blog post may put me at risk of sounding pretentious or perhaps annoyed. Both summations could not be farther from the truth. Please allow me to explain.  I wear my hair in a natural style called Sisterlocks and my hair is quite long. For a Black woman this garners me a lot of attention. I have been stopped countless numbers of times by men and women who are astounded that as a Black woman I have been able to grow my natural tresses below my mid back. Most often I am asked is all of that my real hair. The looks I receive are ones of astonishment and awe. I am so full of joy to share a resounding YES! This is all MY hair! This morning I was stopped at the gym by an elderly Black woman with the same questions and with the same look of admiration and astonishment. I began to explore within myself the looks of astonishment, awe and admiration along with my own sense of joy. Afterall, it's just hair. Or is it?
                  For many Black women the struggle to wear our hair natural versus processed has been a real struggle.  Our own natural coifs if not of a certain texture deemed to be "good" were not seen as enough. Our hair was a source of our shame. It was a source of the reality that we were born as inferior. It diminished our value. If we couldn't grow it naturally then we were not as valuable in comparison to other races of women that could or as compared to other black women that could. I as a woman with very tightly coiled kinks would have been labeled in the category as having nappy or "bad" hair. This inbred stigma was a great source of pain. The pain went deep not only in my soul but through my scalp with oozing chemical burns due to attempts at taming the hair beast with relaxers. When I finally decided to embrace my natural hair it was no less than a spiritual experience. It was a way for me to assess who I truly was inside and who I wanted to show up as in the world. It was a bold and brave declaration to myself that I was good and pretty enough even in the face of a (former)spouse that verbally berated my new look. I stood strong and stood boldly choosing to love and accept a part of me that for so long I was ashamed of.  
                   I by no means am saying that women who aren't natural do not love themselves. Many women do. For those women they are able to see that they have a choice. They choose to wear their hair in whatever way that suits them. For others, however there is no choice. They are being controlled by not wanting to be seen as not good enough, pretty enough and worthy enough. Natural hair for Black women isn't just about hair. It's about discovering our value and knowing that as our authentic selves we have value.  With this awareness and understanding comes the power of choice. For women who have not healed from internal pain brought on by many different experiences of being shown or told that they are not enough in their natural state there is no true awareness of choice. Weaving, wigs or relaxers are then done without thought.  They become masks to hide shame. Some believe that they have no choice if they want to look polished, professional or the big one, if they want to get or keep a man. With facing who we truly believe ourselves to be and how our image of our hair plays a grand role we can heal the powerful internal dialogue that speaks dishonestly about our perceived inferiority.  We can then decide for ourselves if we WANT to go natural rather than be forced into not being natural due to running from our fears and pain. 
                     I believe for those who are astounded and admire my hair both Black men and Black women my hair represents a dismantling of their limiting beliefs about Black women with tightly coiled hair textures. Women with my hair texture generally were not seen as having beautiful hair by the masses.  Hearing that your hair is nappy or "bad" sends messages that as a Black woman with tightly coiled strands you were second class in comparison to other women. It was therefore important to hide that part of yourself to avoid shame. There were some avant gardes that love natural beauty but by in large natural beauty was not beautiful for certain types of hair textures.  As a  professional Black woman with confidence and nappy hair my appearance for many debunks not only the myth that Black women cannot have long hair but more deeply and profoundly that we are not enough. We are enough in our natural state. We are stylish and versatile and are able to break a sweat and not miss a beat due to our hair. This gives me joy because it gives options. It heals hearts. It says to many Black women with tightly coiled coifs that you in your natural state are enough whether you want to shave it off or wear it long, whether you want to weave it or straighten it. You are enough.
                    Hair is not the end all be all. As India Arie said, "I am not my hair".  However for many hair has kept them from seeing their value and from accepting and loving themselves. It is therefore worthy of exploration and healing. For you it may or may not be hair.  It may be body image or something else all together. Whatever your "it" is please know and understand that your value lies deeper within and that what EVER you were born with or without is ENOUGH for you to show up as your authentic self and rock out this life as your amazing self. You have value. You are valuable. Embrace yourself. Accept yourself. You are enough. There is no one like you that can do what you do how only you can do it. You are the best fit for what God has designed and equipped you to do.  Love you.Embrace you. God Bless and KIAI!
                 

            There was a time when I thought that I did not have the make up to be an entrepreneur. In my mind I had the limiting belief that I had to be cold, calculated and heartless to be successful as a business woman. 
This was something that I was not. Often times I led with my emotions. I was one big blob of heart. It wasn't until I embraced my passion and purpose that I absolutely became aware that I was indeed equipped to be an entrepreneur. It was also then that I realized my erroneous thinking regarding entrepreneurship. 
          I've heard women in business tell other business women to leave their feelings at the door. The thought that in order to be a business woman you have to be less of who you are doesn't sit well. The stereotype that women are too emotional therefore need to become unemotional because emotions in business are bad is another hard pill that I choose not to swallow. There is a different way of thinking we can choose to adopt. Many people have the idea that feelings are bad. What if I told you that feelings are neither good or bad? They just are. They do give us clues to what's really going on inside of us. These clues are gems. They can help release us of personal barriers and propel us into forward momentum. They can allow us to live more authentic and fulfilled lives. Am I saying to be driven by only emotion? Heaven forbid! Please read on.
            If we choose to look at and acknowledge our feelings we can begin to see more clearly what our true purpose and passions are in life. We then can begin to access the very tools to begin to live passionately. Allowing our hearts, head, and intuition to sync up allows us to  live powerfully inside our truest potential. We then begin to live more fulfilled lives. There are many people that divorce their hearts from their head. Living in this way puts you in internal conflict. You cut off a part of your voice. The same is true when you divorce your heart from your head. Alignment is necessary to living authentically to your true self.
         Connecting with your heart space allows you to connect with others more deeply through empathy and compassion. Having logic with it carries you forward into actionable steps in order to create intentional change in your life. Intuition gives you insight into knowledge that you wouldn't normally have access to. The three allow you to see more clearly and holographically.  Together they are what make the most powerful and influential entrepreneurs successful. 
         In conclusion, entrepreneurs build relationships. Quality relationships require authentic connection. Please don't leave your feelings, your logic or your intuition at the door! It is what will connect you to those that need and will value your services and business the most! #KIAI

           About 5 years ago I lost over 100lbs. It was an amazing feat. Many people ask how I did it and marvel that I have kept it off. I too have great emotion around it. I am grateful and find strength in knowing that I have slayed the beast of obesity. I have adopted a healthy lifestyle which includes awareness around the amount and types of food I consume and I thoroughly enjoy a very active lifestyle. Many people also marvel at how my physique seemed to have bounced back after losing so much weight. I explain that resistance training has been a dear friend of mine. However. "The Mommy Pouch" is alive and well. 
          The Mommy Pouch is a name that I have given to my mid-section. It has caused me angst and shame. No amount of core exercises can erase stretch marks and sagging skin from 3 children and losing over 100lbs, but the bigger issue is not stretch marks and sagging skin. The bigger issue is what I would tell myself about my Mommy Pouch. I would tell myself that I was not worthy of love and would wonder if I would be loved truly. Now, this wasn't a conscious conversation. I would first feel shame whenever I saw another female with children that didn't have my same issue. I would immediately feel less than. I would also feel shame and frustration at noticing my Mommy Pouch through my clothing. At the heart of those feelings was the thought of my unattained perfection.
           Choosing a new, loving and empowering perspective:  My Mommy Pouch is a visual reminder of life. It came about with the pregnancy of my first born. My first born is an amazing young man and I don't regret carrying him and what my body went through in order to produce his life! I subsequently had two more beautiful lives nurtured in my Mommy Pouch. I birthed, nursed and added life to three beautiful babies with these sagging body parts Lol. There is no shame in that.  I love me. I accept me and am learning to accept my beautiful imperfections. I love how I care for my body inside and out. Perhaps I'll never know the joys of actually seeing my six pack underneath the stretch marks or donning a skimpy bikini but I love how strong that I am internally and externally. I also thoroughly believe that when I marry again my imperfections will be loved and embraced by the right man for me. Mommy pouch and All....I like me. I love me!
If this post has resonated with you please feel free to comment below. Also share what loving and empowering words you tell yourself when you feel shame around your body image. Our words have power.

        Yes, I know the title is a tongue twister. And yes, I also know that irreprehensible is not a word. That darned non-word has been wrecking my brain for 2 days! You see I love words and I appreciate grammar. I have even walked away from dating a particular suitor due to his very poor grammatical skills. Perhaps it's the teacher in me. I am generally attracted to men that are articulate and well spoken. I am also hard on myself when it comes to grammar. I recognize that I am not perfect and many times I'll give myself a pass for artistic flare. Ebonic slang and colloquialisms don't fit into a neat package of grammatical strictness but they do add pizzazz, color and pop to speech. And being the creative that I am, I enjoy using them.
      However, two days ago while speaking to a very well respected and important leader, a superintendent of our denomination, I grasped for the words to express my thoughts on a particular subject that I am very familiar with. I searched for it. I waited for what seemed like an eternity for it to pop into my brain. Then "it" betrayed me! It surely popped up and out of my mouth came the word......IRREPREHENSIBLE!!!! The superintendent graciously nodded as if he understood what I was trying to articulate. I realized that that word was NOT the word but I still could not find the word! I felt it on the tip of my tongue but that darned thing was an elusive little something. FRUSTRATING! I also realized that IRREPREHENSIBLE was not a word.  Argh (Hand to forehead).
        Sidebar**** Ratchet is a word that has been combined with wretched into the creation of a new word wratchet. The urban use of this word has spread far and wide proliferating the internet through social media. Surely, I can coin a new word...IRREPREHENSIBLE. What ever shall it mean? I haven't decided yet.
           The embarrassment of my word flub has been lurking around for two days. So I decided to blog about it. Ironically enough during the course of that conversation we were discussing shame and grace. Hmmm......I am learning to grant myself grace, to not assume that I know what someone is thinking about me and my word use error, and if in the future someone does judge me harshly to not appropriate their judgement as my truth. I also continue to laugh out loud about the entire thing. I am really beginning to know myself in an even deeper way. I love to write because words flow more easily for me during the writing process. I can also take the time to process my thoughts and find the absolute most juiciest and scintillating words to express my innermost thoughts AND I get to use a thesaurus!!! In speaking sometimes it just takes me a little longer to find the absolute most perfect word to say. I am also learning that not having the absolute most perfect word to say in the moment is ok. The truth is I absolutely LOVE words! However, there are times when finding the absolute most perfect word has more to do with proving that I am smart and worthy. Knowing this gives me freedom and brings healing to the little voice inside that thinks she isn't enough. I am enough when I use big words, small words, medium words and made up new words. IRREPREHENSIBLE is not IRREPARABLE....KIAI!